(A)Theism

The title might be suggesting that this article is about the never ending discussion on presence of God. But no, I won't comment on anything which I myself don't know. This article is simply about, how people act on the basis of their belief (in existence of God to be precise).

Belief

First, let us see, what is belief? It means, Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something.

This acceptance or conviction makes belief a very useful tool for development of mental strength. It helps us to increase our focus on goal and work harder to get it, because we have one thing defined in our mind on the basis of our belief. Lets use an example to understand this.

One child studying hard for his exams believes in his mind that if he gets good marks then he is sure to have a good future. He will have a positive feeling while working for his goal and in turn this will make him mentally more stable. Another child studying as hard as the first one, has no belief in his mind about what effect the outcome of his hard work will have on his future. He is doing it, just for the sake of it. Which child will be able to have a better focus towards his goal? Obviously the first one. I hope this explains how belief can act as a mental strength tool.
At the same time, a belief can also lead a person to act lethargic and disinterested towards a goal. Taking the same above example, if the child has a belief in his mind that exams has got nothing to do with his future and he can succeed even without doing well in exams, then he is easily distracted from his goal.

So, a belief can have a positive as well as negative impact depending on what kind of belief it is.

Taking this belief to a bigger scale, the same thing can happen to a group of people, community or a nation as well.

Now as the concept of belief is understood well, we will move to the concept of 'Belief in existence/non-existence of God.'

Theist or Atheist?

People always argument on this topic and judge each other on the basis of their belief. The worse part is that they make prejudices on this basis and assume illogical things about the other person, depending whether he is a theist or an atheist. But as it is well quoted,

"Your belief doesn't make you a better person, your behavior does."

It's quite true. Although it can be said that it is our belief which subconsciously drives our thoughts and then these thoughts turn into our actions. So somewhere deep down, our beliefs are driving our actions. But here I'm talking about belief in God. How can be a person be judged to be stupid or intelligent, good or bad, right or wrong, by knowing whether he is a theist or an atheist?

One thing which can not be understood is that, why a sense of superiority comes in a person on this basis. An atheist may think that a theist is inferior to him as he believes in destiny and believes that God is always there to protect him from the wrong. He may consider him as a weak person who is more dependent on God in his life than his own hard work. Conversely, a theist may think a person who doesn't believe in God cannot be a good person as he associates God with good things. I'm not saying that all theists and atheists think like this, but unfortunately, most of us are prone to falling into these prejudices.

All that we need to understand is that we should free ourselves from this judgment of people and respect everyone's beliefs. You may have the urge to explain to someone that whatever he believes is wrong and he should not be believing things that way. But if someone gets his strength by believing in God and uses this strength in working hard, helping others and being kind towards others, why should we even try try to convince him that there is no God. Considering the other side of the coin, if someone gets his strength by thinking that there is no God, and thinks that I must work hard myself to pursue my dreams, if I want to see a positive change in the world I must step forward and help others and believes in himself, then here also, why should we try to convince him in existence of God.

Question to Self

The point is that we should respect everyone's belief and shouldn't interfere them if their belief is assisting them in doing good. But if you see someone acting wrong and quoting his belief as an excuse, then yes, in this case you should correct the other person.

Remember, your belief can never be used as an excuse for your actions. Prejudices and judging other people on their belief/non-belief in God should be avoided. Good or Bad, you yourself are responsible for your actions.

Isn't it?

Buddha Quote # 2 (Sharing Happiness)

Living in the Present Moment

"Quit living in another time and place."

Living in the present moment is the most important thing to be learned if you want to be happy. But saying and doing it, are two different things. We are always stuck inside our own thoughts and tend to ignore small things going around us which takes us away from reality. These endless thoughts going inside our mind and day-dreaming sometimes has to be avoided so that you can come one step closer to the reality and feel the present moment.

While sitting at my workplace, a thought came to my mind, on how to actually live the present moment. Its not a magic trick, not a power meditation, but simply a way that you can try to direct your mind towards, so that you can actually understand "Present".

Try reading this and feeling what it says at the same time:


"Take a deep breath and feel the wind around you and come out of your mind. There is a world outside your mind which has always been there, but you never paid attention. Stop living your life as a single person. You just need to step out of it and see the light around, feel the fragrance around, listen to the sound of nature, imagine view of sky in the night, go inside the mind of a bird flying aimlessly and not thinking about returning to home. See the beauty inside every person you meet, the inner thoughts that everyone has in common, wrapped around the same stone which you've always been trying to break. But instead of trying it to break, trying to know what is inside of it, trying to understand it, is the very mistake you make.You just need to observe it without any intention of understanding it because when you do something without a reason, the reason comes itself to you and you can then feel the utmost contentment."


Try doing it multiple times, if you don't succeed at first. It will surely make your mind and heart feel good.

Got any comments, feel free to give!

The Good Guy Contract

Recently, I read an article by Alex Lickerman and found it to be very interesting. Many articles and books have been written trying to explain negative behavior of a person and underlying reasons for it. But this article was somewhat different, trying to explain the psychology of "Nice People".

Just to introduce, Alex Lickerman is a physician, former Assistant Professor of Medicine and Director of Primary Care, and current Assistant Vice President for Student Health and Counseling Services at the University of Chicago. He is also coming up with a book named "The Undefeated Mind" which will be published by the end of 2012.

Major portion of this article will be directly citing words by Alex, combined with a little bit of my views on it.

Here it goes:

There is a Good Guy contract that we consistently sign with people which we do for our self-esteem. Self-esteem is somewhat we believe to be built on things that are solely internal, but the fact is, a part of it is also dependent on something external - the goodwill of others.

The Contract

The Good Guy contract is as simple:

"I would agree to be nice to you, to advise you, to sacrifice for you, to care about you - and in return you would believe that I am wise, compassionate, excellent as a human being in every way, and finally and most importantly you would like (or love) me."

Its Effect

Once you have this taste of being liked by others, it becomes your ego's addiction. Deep inside, the need to be praised by others as a good human being or believing yourself to be a good person in your own eyes by such external acknowledgements, grows stronger and stronger.

There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be liked. But, you should try to free yourself from the need to be liked. If you stop writing Good Guy contracts with people, you will be freed from the need to try to influence others to like you.

Good Guy or People Pleaser?

Some people feel that they are just very compassionate that they always help people or can't resist from helping others. But the true underlying fact is that true compassion is an action motivated only by desire to add to the happiness of other person and NOT by the imperative to sustain your self-esteem.

Being unable to say 'No', is also a part of good guy contract. It somehow leads to resentment inside but it is rarely expressed because becoming angry at someone would violate the terms of Good Guy contract.

You might think that, "I'm basically a nice person and I never thought of this, being a nice person or trying to be liked by others." If you want to know in which category you fall, try honestly asking yourself these questions:

• When you disappoint someone, anger them, or cause them in someway to dislike you, does it create some kind of anxiety in your mind?
• Do you have difficulty enduring even a mild degree of conflict with someone?
• Do you feel obsessed with manipulating how others feel about you?
• Are your actions predominantly motivated by how they'll cause others to view you?

If most of your answers were 'Yes', it is an indicator that you fall in the 'People Pleaser' category.

What should be done

First, learn not to make Good Guy contracts with people. Then slowly you have to break the already existing Good Guy contracts with others. Free yourself from this addiction of being liked by others.

But, while doing this, one thing should also be kept in mind. Don't start applying this in your life in a negative way. Don't start being a jerk, saying, "I don't care if others like me or not. I will do what I want to do!"

The right way of saying or understanding this approach is,

"You should practice disappointing people, NOT because you want to do it, but when disappointing someone is genuinely necessary."

Be Yourself doesn't mean that you start being rude to others just because you are being yourself. Whenever I see people acting rude saying, "I am being myself.", then it makes me wonder, "Are you really this much ill-behaved inside?" Being yourself cannot be used as an excuse of Being Rude.

The point is, extreme behavior of both, being nice or being rude, should be avoided.

Being able to say No, sometimes being rude (only when it is appropriate to be rude), and not fearing to disappoint others, will not make you fall out of the Good Guy category, but in fact if applied in balance, will earn more respect for you.

Perspective

Heavenly Faith

Here is a song that I wrote long time back. I think it fits well at this place, so sharing it with you:


There are things that we can't see,
They're the things that we can feel..
They may seem to go wrong for us,
But in the end all we need is trust..

We may not get what we want,
We may feel that things are short..
But we always have what we need,
We must learn to put down our greed..

So stand up and believe in yourself,
Instead of blaming him..
So stand up and believe in yourself,
'Coz you're the one who's gonna make it..


There are thousands of wishes waiting in a queue,
They're the wishes that should not bother you..
They might not get fulfilled leaving us shattered,
But we should learn that it doesn't matter..

We all are so broken 'coz we don't have faith,
The faith in yourself and the faith in him..
But there's a reason for things that happen,
And if we could see the reason, we won't ever be grim..

So stand up and believe in yourself,
Instead of blaming him..
So stand up and believe in yourself,
'Coz you're the one who's gonna make it..

Buddha Quote # 1 (Believe Nothing)

Mahatma Gandhi's fundamentals in Present World

It's true that wisdom never changes with time. But it is also true that the thoughts and fundamentals of great people that were applicable in their time, might not work 100% today. Everything changes and we have to change accordingly. It doesn't mean that all the wise words said earlier are now past and make no sense now. It's just that we need some dress up of the these fundamentals in order to make them work in today's world.

So here are Mahatma Gandhi's top 10 fundamentals, applicable in present scenario:

1. Change Yourself - Well, it looks like Mahatma Gandhi also agree with whatever I said above! Be willing to change yourself, if something you feel needs to be changed. Most of us are comfortable in our skin and resist change. And it is obvious that most of us prefer clinging to our 'Comfort Zone' rather than accepting the uncomfortable change. But remember a comfortable life never led to anything great. It is good to be out of your comfort zone because it stretches you more than your limit and makes you grow. And anyway change is inevitable, you can't avoid it, so remember - "Change accordingly, before life changes you unwillingly."
2. You are in Control - What is the first thing that comes to your mind when something in a 'Group Task' goes wrong? "He did it!!" I guess most of us can relate very well with this. Always remember, 'You' are responsible for everything right or wrong in any task you are associated with. One might think why should I take responsibility of anything, as it is more easy to live a carefree life. People miss their childhood the most and consider it as the best part of their life. The main reason you enjoyed your childhood is because there were no responsibilities. 'No Responsibilities', sounds good? Well it may sound good, but there's a fact - "With responsibility comes power." (and vice-versa as well!). So next time you find yourself running away from your responsibilities, you are indirectly giving someone else the power to control things around you. Be responsible, take control!
3. Forgive and Let Go - This is the best advice that can be given to anyone to achieve peace of mind. When you forgive someone, you are doing yourself more of a favor than the person. Trust me on this! When you keep a grudge against someone the person occupies some part of your mind unless, you take revenge or let it go. And letting go as compared to revenge, is obviously the way to have a peaceful world and a peaceful mind. Let free the occupied space in your mind by the art of 'Forgiving and Letting Go'.. :)
4. Without action you aren't going anywhere - Isn't it obvious? There is no calculation, no observation, no rules required to understand this. It is as simple as, 'You take one step forward, you are one step ahead!' Always keep moving towards something. If you want something, work hard for it. You can't reach somewhere by just wishing to be there!
5. Take care of this moment - A trillion times you might have heard 'Live in present!', but still, how many amongst us follow it? Living in this moment doesn't mean thinking about this day, or this hour, or this minute. It means this very second you are living, this very breath you are taking, this very view your eyes are seeing now, this very sound your ears are listening to and this very environment your senses are feeling now. Feel it, feel the present. The moment you actually start living in this moment, you yourself will feel a magical energy flowing within yourself.
6. Everyone is Human - Some people might be nice, some might be rude, some don't give a damn. Accept the fact! Everyone is going on its own journey, everyone is sharing his/her share of hardships in life and everyone is trying to avoid pain. We have no right to judge anyone. The way someone behaves with you is not the conscious way he decides to show you. It is the end result of whatever life has shown him from the very beginning till now. He hasn't got anything personal for/against you (here I'm just talking about acquaintances). He is behaving just as his life and experiences have driven him sub-consciously to behave as. So appreciate those who behave nicely and avoid those who don't. As simple as that! :)
7. Persist - 'Stand up for what you believe in, even if you're standing alone.' But at the same time don't be too obstinate that other people's thoughts bounce over your head. Have an open mind. Keep your mind like an empty glass (with filters of your own judgement ON!) so that you can exchange your thoughts in a right way. These two things might seem to be opposite of each other, but remember, Balance is the key. :)
8. Help Others - Helping doesn't always mean, that you go and feed a poor child, help a dying dog or monetary helping a needy person. Yes, these things definitely come topmost in the help category, but don't forget the unlimited opportunities of small acts of kindness that come your way. Helping your colleague with some work he has been stuck for a long time, is an example. Any act of kindness is like a boomerang, it is sure to come back to you! :)
9. Be Authentic - No one wants to be a person for whom people say, "He is always trying to act smarter than he is.. He is such a wannabe.. He cannot be trusted for this work.." The point is Be Authentic, so that people don't have to do rocket science level research to understand you (no one has the time also). Stop trying to be someone else, pretending to be someone you're not. Also, when you don't feel the need to impress others (by pretending to be someone extremely valuable), it takes off a lot of pressure from your mind.
10. Continue to Grow and Evolve -  Never settle down thinking, "That's it, now it's time to lay back in life." Also, I'm not saying that always keep running towards your goals as it will lead to agitated mind. Again, Balance is the key here. What never moves, is never still. Well it sounds weird but it's true!

A Silver Lining in the Cloud

Well.. This is my first ever blog and my first ever post. I have a very simple reason of starting this blog. I read somewhere on someone else's blog, tips to grow in life, to learn in life (Yes! I'm talking about those '101 tips to lead a happy life' type posts). But not only I am doing this for myself, but also for the people who read this.

Everyone has different perspectives on how to live a happy life and the most common advice given for this is to have a positive attitude. I too believe in this, and most of my writings would be associated with this subject only, being positive by having a realistic view of the world.

Here on this blog you will find,

• Something positive, to smile upon.

• Something negative, to think upon.

• And some parts left open, for you to decide yourself that how they should be taken in life.

• Some funny thoughts, pictures and videos to bring a smile on your face.

• Some tips for self improvement.

• Some short stories to relate your life with.

• Some poems and phrases by some great people and some written by a simple person (Me ofcourse!)

• Some psychology facts and articles that will help you get an insight of your own mind.

• Some common observations of little things in our daily life which we subconsciously choose to ignore.

• Some inspirational quotes to brighten up your day, when you are in blues.

• Some links and suggestions to nice music.

And all this with a little personal touch of mine. ;)

And yes, the list will go on increasing as we move ahead.

So keep coming, keep visiting for more!!

Have a great day!!

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