Sunday, 30 September 2012

Why and How - Control Anger?

Anger, it is not a very alien word to anyone. Everyone of us has felt it, or maybe I should say, feels it on almost daily basis. But how many of us have really pondered over this feeling 'Anger'? I have always seen many people say, "I am short-tempered and I get angered really easily and its just the way I am. I can't help it. Even when I know this and I've done numerous efforts, I am totally unable to control my anger." But a little rightful thinking and a clearer vision about things can help us a lot to control our anger.

Why - Control Anger?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

Isn't it true? Let me explain this in some more detail.

Whenever we get angry, it immediately imbalances our mind, the feeling of anger takes over all other feelings and the only thing which drives our thoughts and actions is Anger. Even if we are rightfully angered (when someone is genuinely supposed to be angry), if we get overpowered by this feeling, then we are unable to make right decisions and commit right actions. And it rarely happens that the reason for which we got angry gets solved. Instead the situation gets even worse and most of the times we end up hurting our loved ones. And in the end We are ones who suffer, mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.

One thing which I want to add here is, its not that we should never get angry. Getting angry is a sign of healthy emotional being. If you never get angered, it means that you are an apathetic person who can neither feel passion nor anger.

The key isn't suppressing your anger, but controlling your anger. Anger is a form of energy which is usually destructive, but if given a right way, can help a person grow in life.

So, whenever you are controlling your anger, you are doing more of a favor to yourself, than to the other person.

How - Control Anger?

Well, thousand of books have been written on Anger Management, and a million of articles are there around the internet on the same. But, the ways which are mentioned below are a bit different because these ways basically try to make you concentrate towards your own mind and self, rather than external factors:

  • Take three deep breaths - Counting to 10 or 100 is one of the most common ways to control your anger pang. But honestly ask yourself, how many times do you actually do this or even remember to do this when anger strikes? The easier or alternate way of doing this is "Take Three Deep Breaths" and while doing so, concentrate towards your breath going up and down your wind pipe. This process will only take 4-5 seconds, but once you are done with this, it is sure that your Anger will get 50% lowered in intensity.

  • Let the other person speak first - If you are a person who is consciously making an effort to control your anger from a long time, then this is the point for sure, you will not forget. Let the other person speak first. It will not only help to let you know the person's point of view, but will also give you some more time to not say anything and keep your mouth shut! (If you can simply control your anger pang roughly for first 5 seconds and then your urge to say something for next 20-30 seconds,  then you'll notice that most of your anger intensity would have vanished by that time). Along this I would add is, not only let the other person talk, but also truly listen to what he/she is saying.

  • Let it flow - When the first two steps are done, the next thing to do is, let your anger flow now in its natural way. Don't think that what was the point of controlling my anger, if in the end I was going to blow up. Remember suppressed emotions harm you sub-consciously and it is not at all advisable to let anger reach your sub-conscious. Firstly, after following the first two steps, as I said, most of your anger would have vanished and the intensity would have lowered to much extent than before. Now you will be in a much better position to say your part, as the stream of anger would have got a direction. Secondly, having said your part, will give relief to your mind and will help you avoid the agony of anger, which you otherwise were going to face later.


This article was basically intended to help you give a way to control your anger pang. But, in addition, one thing if you remember, will help you avoid this anger pang, in the first place.

Try to develop a judicious, not judgmental, view towards the world. If you develop awareness about what is going around and have an overall view from every angle of a situation, then the chances of getting angered will eventually become less.

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power - that is not easy." - Aristotle

Keep Calm and Take it Easy!

Sunday, 23 September 2012


I am currently reading "The Road Less Traveled - M.Scott Peck", and while surfing on Internet I found this image. It seemed to connect very well with most of the things written in the book. Found this to be very appropriate, so I would like this to share with you:

Sunday, 9 September 2012

The Four Noble Truths

On rising up early in the morning, I realised that it has been awhile that I reminded myself of the basic fundamentals of Buddhism. And talking about the fundamentals, The Four Noble Truths, form the four pillars of Buddhism. It is believed that the first teaching which Buddha gave after attaining enlightenment was "The Four Noble Truths". The teachings on the Four Noble Truths explain the nature of dukkha (suffering), its causes, and how it can be overcome. Realisation of these four noble truths can help you take first step towards understanding this world and in turn help in achieving mental peace. Going through these golden words, I thought of sharing them with all the readers as well, so that they also can gain some knowledge about it or revise them in their mind, in case they already know it.

The Four Noble Truths

  1. Dukkha - Life means suffering.
  2. Origin of Dukkha - The origin of suffering is attachment.
  3. Cessation of Dukkha - The cessation of suffering is attainable.
  4. Path to cessation of Dukkha - The Eightfold path to cessation of Dukkha.


To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

The emphasis on dukkha is not intended to be pessimistic, but rather to identify the nature of dukkha, in order that sufferings may be overcome. The Buddha acknowledged that there is both happiness and sorrow in the world, but he taught that even when we have some kind of happiness, it is not permanent; it is subject to change. And due to this unstable, impermanent nature of all things, everything we experience is said to have the quality of duhkha or unsatisfactoriness. Therefore unless we can gain insight into that truth, and understand what is really able to give us happiness, and what is unable to provide happiness, the experience of dissatisfaction will persist.

Origin of Dukkha

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

Cessation of Dukkha

The third truth teaches that although there is suffering in this world, but it is possible to overcome this suffering. Once we have developed a genuine understanding of the causes of suffering, such as craving and ignorance, then we can completely eradicate these causes and thus be free from suffering. The main goal of all the spiritual practises in Buddhism is cessation from dukkha and attain nirvana (ultimate enlightenment).

Path to cessation of Dukkha

The fourth noble truth tells the path to be followed in order to attain nirvana. This path is known as 'The Eightfold Path' which includes:

1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

These steps are not something which are to be understood and applied one by one in life, but are all interdependent principles. They are to be understood as eight significant dimensions of one’s behaviour - mental, spoken, and bodily - that operate in dependence on one another; taken together, they define a complete path, or way of living.

What a great morning it has been for me, after reminding myself of the four noble truths and it feels as if I have refreshed my mind and cleared the dust off it and again see this world from a different view. Hope it does the same to you!

Source(s) : Wikipedia,,