Taoism - Living in Harmony

Recently I read a book, "The Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff, and was introduced to a beautiful concept called Taoism.

To introduce what Taoism is, it is a philosophy which emphasizes on living in harmony with Tao (meaning "path" or "way").

This philosophy connected straightaway with my inner self and I wanted to share my understanding of Taoism with the readers. What Taoism is all about and how it connects with our life, can be understood by some of these basic things which Taoism talks about:

Wei Wu Wei

Wei Wu Wei, meaning "Action without action", is one of the basic principles of Taoism. At first, the phrase may sound a bit confusing that how an action can be performed without action, but going deeper into the meaning, we can find the essence of this phrase. Every thought and every act of ours are done with so much effort that the very basic essence of life often gets neglected and and our actions often turn into efforts. The concept of Wei Wu Wei teaches us to be effortless in our thoughts as well as in our actions. The universe around us and within us always guides us to what is right and what shall be done. But the noise around ourselves is so loud that we are not able to listen to the inner guidance. Calm down and let the voice within you speak and take care of you. Once you are in a habit of following this voice, then no effort will be needed any longer in any of your actions and you can understand the concept of Wei Wu Wei.

Suffering

The purpose of life is to be happy. But how can one be happy when life is full of suffering? The "Tao answer" to this question is that suffering is not bad. Suffering adds flavor to life, just as salt adds flavor to food. Sometimes the amount of salt is very high and it becomes more of a bad taste than a flavor. What should we do then? We cannot reduce the amount of salt, but what we can do is increase the amount of food to neutralize the salt. It means that we cannot reduce our sufferings but we can increase our own life to larger dimensions, expanding our mind to such a wide perspective that we are able to see that suffering is only a part of life and our life is much bigger than the suffering.

The Uncarved Block

The concept of the uncarved block teaches us to be natural and simple. Trying to be something that you are not or wanting more than what's required, are one of the main causes of suffering. Be natural like an uncarved block and don't make yourself too complicated.

This way or That way?

It is not necessary for you to choose a specific path. You may take two completely different paths and still reach the same goal. It is just which path suits you the best and which path your inner voice guides you to take. The universe is there to guide you, just let the "Effortless Action" choose the path for you.

Stop Sleepwalking!

Yes, everyone might be thinking that we are not sleepwalking and definitely we are awake. But have we ever considered are we really awake? If you are thinking about the past or the future, then the answer is No. The one who is truly awake is the person who is there in the present. And the present just doesn't mean the present day, it means this very moment you are living. Don't live your life day-by-day, live it moment-by-moment.

Honestly speaking, Taoism is not something to be talked or written about, it's something which is to be felt and lived. If it can be explained in words, then it's not Tao!

You will not be able to understand Tao, by thinking about it or talking about it. You have to live it to feel it. Words are just our helpers which can lead us to the path, following it is up to us! This article was not about making anyone learn Taoism, but I hope it gave an insight and has opened a door for someone for whom the universe was planning to follow this path!

Active Contentment: 5 Tips to Have Both Peace and Ambition

Reblogging this wonderful post from "tinybuddha.com":

Active Contentment: 5 Tips to Have Both Peace and Ambition

Spend Time With Yourself

Found it on the blog "stuffnoonetoldme.blogspot.com" and it matches with one of my points in the previous post "Keep Growing". So sharing this with you:

Keep Growing!

"Never forget to love yourself."

Our everyday life has become so strained that we forget to focus on our own growth. In the beginning, it feels as if we are running along with the pace of this world, but lately we realise that we don't have enough energy to keep the same pace going and then start feeling left behind.

The urge to attend every social gathering in fear of missing something important leaves us exhausted, and as a result this low energy feeling prolongs so much that we start avoiding such situations and sit at home doing nothing at all, for hours or sometimes even waste a whole day. And in the end, when we think about our past few weeks (or months), then we realise that as a person, we have been doing nothing, not growing at all!

Yes, we rise up early in the morning, do our morning chores, go to office, do the same thing five days a week with just a slight variation than the previous day, wait for the weekend, have some fun on weekend and then same thing repeats again and again and again.

But we need to ask ourselves every now-n-then, "Am I growing? Am I learning? If not, Where are things lacking? Am I conscious about where my life is heading?"


Thinking about all these things I came to the following two conclusions:

1. We need to have a balanced energy flow within ourselves and around us as well.
2. With the right energy flux, we have to give direction to this energy, so that we can grow as a person.

So how do we put these two things together and workout a way forward?

Here are a few things I came up with and I myself have been practising for past few weeks, and has helped me feel more balanced about my inner self and outer world as well :-

• Meditate - Do it daily. I know nobody has got the time to sit idle for few minutes everyday doing nothing, when you have got so many things to do. Well, if you don't have much time, just take out five minutes (maybe in the morning or after you come back to home after your day), sit with your eyes closed, plug into some calm ambient music and concentrate on your breath. Doing this small chore daily will make you feel more calm and "in control" of things around you. Tried and Tested!

• Exercise - Umm.. This is something we have never got time for, right? But remember, when the body is ill, everything else in your life becomes secondary. Choose an exercise schedule which suits the best for you and follow it regularly. Taking care of your body is not an option, it's a necessity.

• Eat at least one seasonal fruit daily.

• Take care of your digestive system. What you eat is what you become!

Now with the right energy flowing this is how you can progress a little bit daily :-

• Read a book - Make it a target to read at least one book per month.

• Make a list of what you always wanted to learn (playing guitar, drawing, sketching, dancing, whatever!). Now pick one amongst them and start giving it at least 4 hours a week (Not a big deal, no?) and in a few months, you'll feel the pace building up. Much better than doing nothing!

• Keep 2 hours a week exclusive for yourself when you sit, relax and do nothing! Just lay down, think and daydream (I do it on Sundays!). This is a good way of keeping yourself close to you, your dreams and your conscious.

• And not to forget, hang out with your friends, share your little progress with them and don't forget to have fun!

All these things are not going to change things miraculously, but surely it will give you the initial kick and help you progress as a person, little by little!

"When we are facing the right direction, all we have to do is keep walking."

Live Fearless!

Just Do It!

"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done."

You might have got the idea what I'm going to write about in this article by the very first line written above. I'm not going to write a big lengthy essay on why we should be doing things fearlessly and why we should do more and regret less. All of us have gone through this feeling a million times, when we lay down in the night and wonder how our life would have been if we had the courage to do the things which we didn't do because of many "excuses". And no, I'm not going to talk about the YOLO bullshit, because I believe that all of us are smart enough to not drive a car at 120 mph with our eyes closed and say You Only Live Once, lets do something crazy! What's more important is focusing on more important aspects of life and doing them fearlessly.

After feeling this regret a dozen times, I finally came up with a simple logic which I every time use to convince myself whenever I have to stretch myself beyond my limit and go an extra mile, be it physically or mentally.

It works most of the time for me, so I wanted to share it with you also. Here it is:

Whenever you get an opportunity to do something which you have always wanted to do, but somehow you have been holding yourself back by some kind of fear or silly excuse, just close your eyes and ask yourself, "How bad am I going to feel later if I don't accept this challenge, cursing myself that ahhhh.. why didn't I do it?" When you have convinced yourself that not taking the challenge is bad for your future feelings, reinforce your will by asking yourself, "How good am I going to feel after all of this gets over and I've put in best of myself, whatever the result might have come?"

Be logical about your answers and don't let your fears and excuses weigh down your will.

A very simple example that I can give, where this works for me quite well is, going to a gym! All of us know that working-out is kind of a painful and boring task to do (I'm not taking the fitness freaks into consideration!), but whenever I have to buck up myself, I just say to myself, "Do it now dude!, it's going to make you feel better and more confident later." and Bam! I get the energy to do it.(at least at that moment of time!)

Same concept goes for stretching yourself beyond your mental limits and fears also. Public speaking, one of the most common fear we face, can be overcome by reasoning yourself that, "Just do it! When you are done with it, you are going to feel good and more confident about yourself."

I hope my little trick works for you as well.

Live fearless as it is very well said,

"Becoming fearless isn't the point. That's impossible. It's learning how to control your fear, and how to be free from it."

Quote - Abraham Lincoln

Winning an argument - Is it really necessary?

Yesterday I saw two people having an argument with each other. At first glance, it seemed as if they were trying to put up their point of view or were trying to justify their action. (Please note that they were not just passerby in whose conversation I was peeking in, they were my colleagues). But later I realized, that on the later stage of the argument, it was not about making the other person understand, but just about winning the argument, at any cost.

I related myself to this situation and pondered over it and came to the conclusion that even I sometimes do the same thing. If you also give a little thought to this, then you may also realize the same.

The question then arises is, Is it really necessary to win every argument?

Battle or War?

If the argument is heading in the direction where none amongst the two is really willing to understand the situation, then two scenarios may arise.

One, you are totally sure that your point is valid but still the argument is going in an absurd direction. If the other person is arguing insensibly and you've realized that your efforts to make your point out of logic will be wasted, then the wiser way would be to leave the argument at that time. (Keep in mind that you are later going to show the other person that he was wrong). Then later at the right time, when the other person is in the state of mind of understanding your words, then talk to him and make him realize his mistake. You may also use your actions to demonstrate how the other person was wrong (Actions speak louder than words!). Remember, and argument is not about concluding who's right and who's wrong, but about coming to a common understanding ground.

The other scenario can be, that in the middle of the argument you realize that you are wrong. I know this is an awful moment, but remember, it is not about if you're right or wrong. It is about making the other person understand you and also at the same time extending yourself to understand the other person. If you accept that you were wrong, when you really were, then this will not make you a loser, but it will show that you are a mature and wise person and in turn will earn more respect for you. Moreover, winning a heart is more important than winning an argument, especially if the argument is with your loved ones.

So next time you are in an argument, just ask yourself, "Am I arguing to come to a common solution or just to make a point?"

A Thought Worth Thinking

Sharing this as a part of contest on behappy.me

Realise the power of Now!

Human Heart!

"O poor, unthinking human heart! Error will not go away, logic and reason are slow to penetrate. We cling with both arms to false hope, refusing to believe the weightiest proofs against it, embracing it with all our strength. In the end it escapes, ripping our veins and draining our heart's blood; until, regaining consciousness, we rush to fall into snares of delusion all over again."

- Rabindranath Tagore, from the short story The Postmaster

Why and How - Control Anger?

Anger, it is not a very alien word to anyone. Everyone of us has felt it, or maybe I should say, feels it on almost daily basis. But how many of us have really pondered over this feeling 'Anger'? I have always seen many people say, "I am short-tempered and I get angered really easily and its just the way I am. I can't help it. Even when I know this and I've done numerous efforts, I am totally unable to control my anger." But a little rightful thinking and a clearer vision about things can help us a lot to control our anger.

Why - Control Anger?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

Isn't it true? Let me explain this in some more detail.

Whenever we get angry, it immediately imbalances our mind, the feeling of anger takes over all other feelings and the only thing which drives our thoughts and actions is Anger. Even if we are rightfully angered (when someone is genuinely supposed to be angry), if we get overpowered by this feeling, then we are unable to make right decisions and commit right actions. And it rarely happens that the reason for which we got angry gets solved. Instead the situation gets even worse and most of the times we end up hurting our loved ones. And in the end We are ones who suffer, mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.

One thing which I want to add here is, its not that we should never get angry. Getting angry is a sign of healthy emotional being. If you never get angered, it means that you are an apathetic person who can neither feel passion nor anger.

The key isn't suppressing your anger, but controlling your anger. Anger is a form of energy which is usually destructive, but if given a right way, can help a person grow in life.

So, whenever you are controlling your anger, you are doing more of a favor to yourself, than to the other person.

How - Control Anger?

Well, thousand of books have been written on Anger Management, and a million of articles are there around the internet on the same. But, the ways which are mentioned below are a bit different because these ways basically try to make you concentrate towards your own mind and self, rather than external factors:

• Take three deep breaths - Counting to 10 or 100 is one of the most common ways to control your anger pang. But honestly ask yourself, how many times do you actually do this or even remember to do this when anger strikes? The easier or alternate way of doing this is "Take Three Deep Breaths" and while doing so, concentrate towards your breath going up and down your wind pipe. This process will only take 4-5 seconds, but once you are done with this, it is sure that your Anger will get 50% lowered in intensity.

• Let the other person speak first - If you are a person who is consciously making an effort to control your anger from a long time, then this is the point for sure, you will not forget. Let the other person speak first. It will not only help to let you know the person's point of view, but will also give you some more time to not say anything and keep your mouth shut! (If you can simply control your anger pang roughly for first 5 seconds and then your urge to say something for next 20-30 seconds,  then you'll notice that most of your anger intensity would have vanished by that time). Along this I would add is, not only let the other person talk, but also truly listen to what he/she is saying.

• Let it flow - When the first two steps are done, the next thing to do is, let your anger flow now in its natural way. Don't think that what was the point of controlling my anger, if in the end I was going to blow up. Remember suppressed emotions harm you sub-consciously and it is not at all advisable to let anger reach your sub-conscious. Firstly, after following the first two steps, as I said, most of your anger would have vanished and the intensity would have lowered to much extent than before. Now you will be in a much better position to say your part, as the stream of anger would have got a direction. Secondly, having said your part, will give relief to your mind and will help you avoid the agony of anger, which you otherwise were going to face later.

Bonus!

This article was basically intended to help you give a way to control your anger pang. But, in addition, one thing if you remember, will help you avoid this anger pang, in the first place.

Try to develop a judicious, not judgmental, view towards the world. If you develop awareness about what is going around and have an overall view from every angle of a situation, then the chances of getting angered will eventually become less.

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power - that is not easy." - Aristotle

Keep Calm and Take it Easy!

Children

I am currently reading "The Road Less Traveled - M.Scott Peck", and while surfing on Internet I found this image. It seemed to connect very well with most of the things written in the book. Found this to be very appropriate, so I would like this to share with you:

Never Stop Growing!

The Four Noble Truths

On rising up early in the morning, I realised that it has been awhile that I reminded myself of the basic fundamentals of Buddhism. And talking about the fundamentals, The Four Noble Truths, form the four pillars of Buddhism. It is believed that the first teaching which Buddha gave after attaining enlightenment was "The Four Noble Truths". The teachings on the Four Noble Truths explain the nature of dukkha (suffering), its causes, and how it can be overcome. Realisation of these four noble truths can help you take first step towards understanding this world and in turn help in achieving mental peace. Going through these golden words, I thought of sharing them with all the readers as well, so that they also can gain some knowledge about it or revise them in their mind, in case they already know it.

The Four Noble Truths

1. Dukkha - Life means suffering.
2. Origin of Dukkha - The origin of suffering is attachment.
3. Cessation of Dukkha - The cessation of suffering is attainable.
4. Path to cessation of Dukkha - The Eightfold path to cessation of Dukkha.

Dukkha

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

The emphasis on dukkha is not intended to be pessimistic, but rather to identify the nature of dukkha, in order that sufferings may be overcome. The Buddha acknowledged that there is both happiness and sorrow in the world, but he taught that even when we have some kind of happiness, it is not permanent; it is subject to change. And due to this unstable, impermanent nature of all things, everything we experience is said to have the quality of duhkha or unsatisfactoriness. Therefore unless we can gain insight into that truth, and understand what is really able to give us happiness, and what is unable to provide happiness, the experience of dissatisfaction will persist.

Origin of Dukkha

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursuit of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

Cessation of Dukkha

The third truth teaches that although there is suffering in this world, but it is possible to overcome this suffering. Once we have developed a genuine understanding of the causes of suffering, such as craving and ignorance, then we can completely eradicate these causes and thus be free from suffering. The main goal of all the spiritual practises in Buddhism is cessation from dukkha and attain nirvana (ultimate enlightenment).

Path to cessation of Dukkha

The fourth noble truth tells the path to be followed in order to attain nirvana. This path is known as 'The Eightfold Path' which includes:

1. Right View
2. Right Intention
3. Right Speech
4. Right Action
5. Right Livelihood
6. Right Effort
7. Right Mindfulness
8. Right Concentration

These steps are not something which are to be understood and applied one by one in life, but are all interdependent principles. They are to be understood as eight significant dimensions of one’s behaviour - mental, spoken, and bodily - that operate in dependence on one another; taken together, they define a complete path, or way of living.


What a great morning it has been for me, after reminding myself of the four noble truths and it feels as if I have refreshed my mind and cleared the dust off it and again see this world from a different view. Hope it does the same to you!



Source(s) : Wikipedia, www.thebigview.com, www.buddhanet.net

Buddha Quote # 3 (Happiness)

(A)Theism

The title might be suggesting that this article is about the never ending discussion on presence of God. But no, I won't comment on anything which I myself don't know. This article is simply about, how people act on the basis of their belief (in existence of God to be precise).

Belief

First, let us see, what is belief? It means, Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality, or validity of something.

This acceptance or conviction makes belief a very useful tool for development of mental strength. It helps us to increase our focus on goal and work harder to get it, because we have one thing defined in our mind on the basis of our belief. Lets use an example to understand this.

One child studying hard for his exams believes in his mind that if he gets good marks then he is sure to have a good future. He will have a positive feeling while working for his goal and in turn this will make him mentally more stable. Another child studying as hard as the first one, has no belief in his mind about what effect the outcome of his hard work will have on his future. He is doing it, just for the sake of it. Which child will be able to have a better focus towards his goal? Obviously the first one. I hope this explains how belief can act as a mental strength tool.
At the same time, a belief can also lead a person to act lethargic and disinterested towards a goal. Taking the same above example, if the child has a belief in his mind that exams has got nothing to do with his future and he can succeed even without doing well in exams, then he is easily distracted from his goal.

So, a belief can have a positive as well as negative impact depending on what kind of belief it is.

Taking this belief to a bigger scale, the same thing can happen to a group of people, community or a nation as well.

Now as the concept of belief is understood well, we will move to the concept of 'Belief in existence/non-existence of God.'

Theist or Atheist?

People always argument on this topic and judge each other on the basis of their belief. The worse part is that they make prejudices on this basis and assume illogical things about the other person, depending whether he is a theist or an atheist. But as it is well quoted,

"Your belief doesn't make you a better person, your behavior does."

It's quite true. Although it can be said that it is our belief which subconsciously drives our thoughts and then these thoughts turn into our actions. So somewhere deep down, our beliefs are driving our actions. But here I'm talking about belief in God. How can be a person be judged to be stupid or intelligent, good or bad, right or wrong, by knowing whether he is a theist or an atheist?

One thing which can not be understood is that, why a sense of superiority comes in a person on this basis. An atheist may think that a theist is inferior to him as he believes in destiny and believes that God is always there to protect him from the wrong. He may consider him as a weak person who is more dependent on God in his life than his own hard work. Conversely, a theist may think a person who doesn't believe in God cannot be a good person as he associates God with good things. I'm not saying that all theists and atheists think like this, but unfortunately, most of us are prone to falling into these prejudices.

All that we need to understand is that we should free ourselves from this judgment of people and respect everyone's beliefs. You may have the urge to explain to someone that whatever he believes is wrong and he should not be believing things that way. But if someone gets his strength by believing in God and uses this strength in working hard, helping others and being kind towards others, why should we even try try to convince him that there is no God. Considering the other side of the coin, if someone gets his strength by thinking that there is no God, and thinks that I must work hard myself to pursue my dreams, if I want to see a positive change in the world I must step forward and help others and believes in himself, then here also, why should we try to convince him in existence of God.

Question to Self

The point is that we should respect everyone's belief and shouldn't interfere them if their belief is assisting them in doing good. But if you see someone acting wrong and quoting his belief as an excuse, then yes, in this case you should correct the other person.

Remember, your belief can never be used as an excuse for your actions. Prejudices and judging other people on their belief/non-belief in God should be avoided. Good or Bad, you yourself are responsible for your actions.

Isn't it?

Buddha Quote # 2 (Sharing Happiness)

Living in the Present Moment

"Quit living in another time and place."

Living in the present moment is the most important thing to be learned if you want to be happy. But saying and doing it, are two different things. We are always stuck inside our own thoughts and tend to ignore small things going around us which takes us away from reality. These endless thoughts going inside our mind and day-dreaming sometimes has to be avoided so that you can come one step closer to the reality and feel the present moment.

While sitting at my workplace, a thought came to my mind, on how to actually live the present moment. Its not a magic trick, not a power meditation, but simply a way that you can try to direct your mind towards, so that you can actually understand "Present".

Try reading this and feeling what it says at the same time:


"Take a deep breath and feel the wind around you and come out of your mind. There is a world outside your mind which has always been there, but you never paid attention. Stop living your life as a single person. You just need to step out of it and see the light around, feel the fragrance around, listen to the sound of nature, imagine view of sky in the night, go inside the mind of a bird flying aimlessly and not thinking about returning to home. See the beauty inside every person you meet, the inner thoughts that everyone has in common, wrapped around the same stone which you've always been trying to break. But instead of trying it to break, trying to know what is inside of it, trying to understand it, is the very mistake you make.You just need to observe it without any intention of understanding it because when you do something without a reason, the reason comes itself to you and you can then feel the utmost contentment."


Try doing it multiple times, if you don't succeed at first. It will surely make your mind and heart feel good.

Got any comments, feel free to give!

The Good Guy Contract

Recently, I read an article by Alex Lickerman and found it to be very interesting. Many articles and books have been written trying to explain negative behavior of a person and underlying reasons for it. But this article was somewhat different, trying to explain the psychology of "Nice People".

Just to introduce, Alex Lickerman is a physician, former Assistant Professor of Medicine and Director of Primary Care, and current Assistant Vice President for Student Health and Counseling Services at the University of Chicago. He is also coming up with a book named "The Undefeated Mind" which will be published by the end of 2012.

Major portion of this article will be directly citing words by Alex, combined with a little bit of my views on it.

Here it goes:

There is a Good Guy contract that we consistently sign with people which we do for our self-esteem. Self-esteem is somewhat we believe to be built on things that are solely internal, but the fact is, a part of it is also dependent on something external - the goodwill of others.

The Contract

The Good Guy contract is as simple:

"I would agree to be nice to you, to advise you, to sacrifice for you, to care about you - and in return you would believe that I am wise, compassionate, excellent as a human being in every way, and finally and most importantly you would like (or love) me."

Its Effect

Once you have this taste of being liked by others, it becomes your ego's addiction. Deep inside, the need to be praised by others as a good human being or believing yourself to be a good person in your own eyes by such external acknowledgements, grows stronger and stronger.

There isn't anything wrong with wanting to be liked. But, you should try to free yourself from the need to be liked. If you stop writing Good Guy contracts with people, you will be freed from the need to try to influence others to like you.

Good Guy or People Pleaser?

Some people feel that they are just very compassionate that they always help people or can't resist from helping others. But the true underlying fact is that true compassion is an action motivated only by desire to add to the happiness of other person and NOT by the imperative to sustain your self-esteem.

Being unable to say 'No', is also a part of good guy contract. It somehow leads to resentment inside but it is rarely expressed because becoming angry at someone would violate the terms of Good Guy contract.

You might think that, "I'm basically a nice person and I never thought of this, being a nice person or trying to be liked by others." If you want to know in which category you fall, try honestly asking yourself these questions:

• When you disappoint someone, anger them, or cause them in someway to dislike you, does it create some kind of anxiety in your mind?
• Do you have difficulty enduring even a mild degree of conflict with someone?
• Do you feel obsessed with manipulating how others feel about you?
• Are your actions predominantly motivated by how they'll cause others to view you?

If most of your answers were 'Yes', it is an indicator that you fall in the 'People Pleaser' category.

What should be done

First, learn not to make Good Guy contracts with people. Then slowly you have to break the already existing Good Guy contracts with others. Free yourself from this addiction of being liked by others.

But, while doing this, one thing should also be kept in mind. Don't start applying this in your life in a negative way. Don't start being a jerk, saying, "I don't care if others like me or not. I will do what I want to do!"

The right way of saying or understanding this approach is,

"You should practice disappointing people, NOT because you want to do it, but when disappointing someone is genuinely necessary."

Be Yourself doesn't mean that you start being rude to others just because you are being yourself. Whenever I see people acting rude saying, "I am being myself.", then it makes me wonder, "Are you really this much ill-behaved inside?" Being yourself cannot be used as an excuse of Being Rude.

The point is, extreme behavior of both, being nice or being rude, should be avoided.

Being able to say No, sometimes being rude (only when it is appropriate to be rude), and not fearing to disappoint others, will not make you fall out of the Good Guy category, but in fact if applied in balance, will earn more respect for you.

Perspective

Heavenly Faith

Here is a song that I wrote long time back. I think it fits well at this place, so sharing it with you:


There are things that we can't see,
They're the things that we can feel..
They may seem to go wrong for us,
But in the end all we need is trust..

We may not get what we want,
We may feel that things are short..
But we always have what we need,
We must learn to put down our greed..

So stand up and believe in yourself,
Instead of blaming him..
So stand up and believe in yourself,
'Coz you're the one who's gonna make it..


There are thousands of wishes waiting in a queue,
They're the wishes that should not bother you..
They might not get fulfilled leaving us shattered,
But we should learn that it doesn't matter..

We all are so broken 'coz we don't have faith,
The faith in yourself and the faith in him..
But there's a reason for things that happen,
And if we could see the reason, we won't ever be grim..

So stand up and believe in yourself,
Instead of blaming him..
So stand up and believe in yourself,
'Coz you're the one who's gonna make it..

Buddha Quote # 1 (Believe Nothing)

Mahatma Gandhi's fundamentals in Present World

It's true that wisdom never changes with time. But it is also true that the thoughts and fundamentals of great people that were applicable in their time, might not work 100% today. Everything changes and we have to change accordingly. It doesn't mean that all the wise words said earlier are now past and make no sense now. It's just that we need some dress up of the these fundamentals in order to make them work in today's world.

So here are Mahatma Gandhi's top 10 fundamentals, applicable in present scenario:

1. Change Yourself - Well, it looks like Mahatma Gandhi also agree with whatever I said above! Be willing to change yourself, if something you feel needs to be changed. Most of us are comfortable in our skin and resist change. And it is obvious that most of us prefer clinging to our 'Comfort Zone' rather than accepting the uncomfortable change. But remember a comfortable life never led to anything great. It is good to be out of your comfort zone because it stretches you more than your limit and makes you grow. And anyway change is inevitable, you can't avoid it, so remember - "Change accordingly, before life changes you unwillingly."
2. You are in Control - What is the first thing that comes to your mind when something in a 'Group Task' goes wrong? "He did it!!" I guess most of us can relate very well with this. Always remember, 'You' are responsible for everything right or wrong in any task you are associated with. One might think why should I take responsibility of anything, as it is more easy to live a carefree life. People miss their childhood the most and consider it as the best part of their life. The main reason you enjoyed your childhood is because there were no responsibilities. 'No Responsibilities', sounds good? Well it may sound good, but there's a fact - "With responsibility comes power." (and vice-versa as well!). So next time you find yourself running away from your responsibilities, you are indirectly giving someone else the power to control things around you. Be responsible, take control!
3. Forgive and Let Go - This is the best advice that can be given to anyone to achieve peace of mind. When you forgive someone, you are doing yourself more of a favor than the person. Trust me on this! When you keep a grudge against someone the person occupies some part of your mind unless, you take revenge or let it go. And letting go as compared to revenge, is obviously the way to have a peaceful world and a peaceful mind. Let free the occupied space in your mind by the art of 'Forgiving and Letting Go'.. :)
4. Without action you aren't going anywhere - Isn't it obvious? There is no calculation, no observation, no rules required to understand this. It is as simple as, 'You take one step forward, you are one step ahead!' Always keep moving towards something. If you want something, work hard for it. You can't reach somewhere by just wishing to be there!
5. Take care of this moment - A trillion times you might have heard 'Live in present!', but still, how many amongst us follow it? Living in this moment doesn't mean thinking about this day, or this hour, or this minute. It means this very second you are living, this very breath you are taking, this very view your eyes are seeing now, this very sound your ears are listening to and this very environment your senses are feeling now. Feel it, feel the present. The moment you actually start living in this moment, you yourself will feel a magical energy flowing within yourself.
6. Everyone is Human - Some people might be nice, some might be rude, some don't give a damn. Accept the fact! Everyone is going on its own journey, everyone is sharing his/her share of hardships in life and everyone is trying to avoid pain. We have no right to judge anyone. The way someone behaves with you is not the conscious way he decides to show you. It is the end result of whatever life has shown him from the very beginning till now. He hasn't got anything personal for/against you (here I'm just talking about acquaintances). He is behaving just as his life and experiences have driven him sub-consciously to behave as. So appreciate those who behave nicely and avoid those who don't. As simple as that! :)
7. Persist - 'Stand up for what you believe in, even if you're standing alone.' But at the same time don't be too obstinate that other people's thoughts bounce over your head. Have an open mind. Keep your mind like an empty glass (with filters of your own judgement ON!) so that you can exchange your thoughts in a right way. These two things might seem to be opposite of each other, but remember, Balance is the key. :)
8. Help Others - Helping doesn't always mean, that you go and feed a poor child, help a dying dog or monetary helping a needy person. Yes, these things definitely come topmost in the help category, but don't forget the unlimited opportunities of small acts of kindness that come your way. Helping your colleague with some work he has been stuck for a long time, is an example. Any act of kindness is like a boomerang, it is sure to come back to you! :)
9. Be Authentic - No one wants to be a person for whom people say, "He is always trying to act smarter than he is.. He is such a wannabe.. He cannot be trusted for this work.." The point is Be Authentic, so that people don't have to do rocket science level research to understand you (no one has the time also). Stop trying to be someone else, pretending to be someone you're not. Also, when you don't feel the need to impress others (by pretending to be someone extremely valuable), it takes off a lot of pressure from your mind.
10. Continue to Grow and Evolve -  Never settle down thinking, "That's it, now it's time to lay back in life." Also, I'm not saying that always keep running towards your goals as it will lead to agitated mind. Again, Balance is the key here. What never moves, is never still. Well it sounds weird but it's true!

A Silver Lining in the Cloud

Well.. This is my first ever blog and my first ever post. I have a very simple reason of starting this blog. I read somewhere on someone else's blog, tips to grow in life, to learn in life (Yes! I'm talking about those '101 tips to lead a happy life' type posts). But not only I am doing this for myself, but also for the people who read this.

Everyone has different perspectives on how to live a happy life and the most common advice given for this is to have a positive attitude. I too believe in this, and most of my writings would be associated with this subject only, being positive by having a realistic view of the world.

Here on this blog you will find,

• Something positive, to smile upon.

• Something negative, to think upon.

• And some parts left open, for you to decide yourself that how they should be taken in life.

• Some funny thoughts, pictures and videos to bring a smile on your face.

• Some tips for self improvement.

• Some short stories to relate your life with.

• Some poems and phrases by some great people and some written by a simple person (Me ofcourse!)

• Some psychology facts and articles that will help you get an insight of your own mind.

• Some common observations of little things in our daily life which we subconsciously choose to ignore.

• Some inspirational quotes to brighten up your day, when you are in blues.

• Some links and suggestions to nice music.

And all this with a little personal touch of mine. ;)

And yes, the list will go on increasing as we move ahead.

So keep coming, keep visiting for more!!

Have a great day!!

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