Sunday, 30 September 2012

Why and How - Control Anger?

Anger, it is not a very alien word to anyone. Everyone of us has felt it, or maybe I should say, feels it on almost daily basis. But how many of us have really pondered over this feeling 'Anger'? I have always seen many people say, "I am short-tempered and I get angered really easily and its just the way I am. I can't help it. Even when I know this and I've done numerous efforts, I am totally unable to control my anger." But a little rightful thinking and a clearer vision about things can help us a lot to control our anger.

Why - Control Anger?

"Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned."

Isn't it true? Let me explain this in some more detail.

Whenever we get angry, it immediately imbalances our mind, the feeling of anger takes over all other feelings and the only thing which drives our thoughts and actions is Anger. Even if we are rightfully angered (when someone is genuinely supposed to be angry), if we get overpowered by this feeling, then we are unable to make right decisions and commit right actions. And it rarely happens that the reason for which we got angry gets solved. Instead the situation gets even worse and most of the times we end up hurting our loved ones. And in the end We are ones who suffer, mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically.

One thing which I want to add here is, its not that we should never get angry. Getting angry is a sign of healthy emotional being. If you never get angered, it means that you are an apathetic person who can neither feel passion nor anger.

The key isn't suppressing your anger, but controlling your anger. Anger is a form of energy which is usually destructive, but if given a right way, can help a person grow in life.

So, whenever you are controlling your anger, you are doing more of a favor to yourself, than to the other person.

How - Control Anger?

Well, thousand of books have been written on Anger Management, and a million of articles are there around the internet on the same. But, the ways which are mentioned below are a bit different because these ways basically try to make you concentrate towards your own mind and self, rather than external factors:

  • Take three deep breaths - Counting to 10 or 100 is one of the most common ways to control your anger pang. But honestly ask yourself, how many times do you actually do this or even remember to do this when anger strikes? The easier or alternate way of doing this is "Take Three Deep Breaths" and while doing so, concentrate towards your breath going up and down your wind pipe. This process will only take 4-5 seconds, but once you are done with this, it is sure that your Anger will get 50% lowered in intensity.

  • Let the other person speak first - If you are a person who is consciously making an effort to control your anger from a long time, then this is the point for sure, you will not forget. Let the other person speak first. It will not only help to let you know the person's point of view, but will also give you some more time to not say anything and keep your mouth shut! (If you can simply control your anger pang roughly for first 5 seconds and then your urge to say something for next 20-30 seconds,  then you'll notice that most of your anger intensity would have vanished by that time). Along this I would add is, not only let the other person talk, but also truly listen to what he/she is saying.

  • Let it flow - When the first two steps are done, the next thing to do is, let your anger flow now in its natural way. Don't think that what was the point of controlling my anger, if in the end I was going to blow up. Remember suppressed emotions harm you sub-consciously and it is not at all advisable to let anger reach your sub-conscious. Firstly, after following the first two steps, as I said, most of your anger would have vanished and the intensity would have lowered to much extent than before. Now you will be in a much better position to say your part, as the stream of anger would have got a direction. Secondly, having said your part, will give relief to your mind and will help you avoid the agony of anger, which you otherwise were going to face later.


This article was basically intended to help you give a way to control your anger pang. But, in addition, one thing if you remember, will help you avoid this anger pang, in the first place.

Try to develop a judicious, not judgmental, view towards the world. If you develop awareness about what is going around and have an overall view from every angle of a situation, then the chances of getting angered will eventually become less.

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power - that is not easy." - Aristotle

Keep Calm and Take it Easy!

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